Cumming of Age

It’s tough being a parent and a porn star. I have trouble watching the Sexorcist without thinking that my daughter Rosaline was conceived at some point during filming. But damn, her mom looks hot. I like to think she was conceived during our scene together. I’m married to Whoreson Welles, my Sexorcist co-star, and she is fine. She’s never looked hotter than in No Cuntry For Semen, a lesbian flick she did. A sexy drug deal gone wrong. I myself got my start in (500) Guys in Summer, and Sexy Gandhi. It’s been up for me ever since. Kind of like my penis. Get it?

So anyways, we got a kid. I worry about her. Her parents are away, working hard, all day (and once or twice at night). We tried to find a nanny for her, but she ended up just becoming a porn star too. One of us always has to be home, meaning we’ll probably never get to star in another movie together. At least we’ll always have Mr. and Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Fucking in Cars With Boys. We make time for Rosaline when we can. When we have the time, we can still be good parents, Whoreson and I. Just last Sunday, we took her to the local zoo, and then to a baseball game (which brought back memories of my performance in Field of Creams). But we don’t always have time for her. I know that at this young age, I need to be there for my daughter, but with Fill Jill 2 coming out soon, and Two Kings & I in the works, I just don’t have the time. Being a porn star can really drain it all out of you.

She doesn’t know what her mommy and daddy do for a living. I hope all of this lust, and sex, and love, and sex, and naked hide and go seek don’t do any damage to poor Rosaline. I simply hope that when our little girl grows up, she can appreciate what her parents do for a living. Maybe someday we’ll see her light up the screen in the Curious Case of Benjamin Buttsex, or Four Orgies and a Funeral. Maybe someday she’ll fuck a ton of anonymous people for money, just like her parents.

Or maybe she’ll just end up being a dentist.