Let Nonsense Prevent Your Next Rape!
October 14, 2010 Leave a Comment
NOTE: The Nonsense Rape Kit might actually cause rape.
A Gun: If you shoot into the air he’ll assume you’ve challenged him to a footrace. If you win, he’ll respect you and walk away ashamed.
Cords of wood and a blanket: Most likely you’re not gonna get cell phone reception in that alley or highrise bathroom, so you might have to resort to signal fires. If it’s good enough for Native Americans, it’s good enough for your rape.
A bulletproof vest: He might be a big fan of S.W.A.T., starring Colin Farrell.
Ear plugs: He’s probably gonna be really noisy, and if you have to get up early in the morning then you might as well multi-task.
A whistle: To play the opening riff of “Hollaback Girl”. It’s a fact that rapists hate Gwen Stefani.
(If he has a beard) A razor: A man cannot rape if he’s being shaven. It’s a rule.
A can of SpeghettiOs: For eating, it won’t really help with the rape or whatever.
A witch’s hat: Witches are spooky.
